Essay

What a Sealing Survives

If you were married in the temple and are now divorced, you may wonder what happened to everything that sealing meant. Am I still sealed? Did I lose the blessings I was promised? What if my former spouse broke covenants? Am I somehow tied to that marriage forever? And if we have children, what happens to their sealing?

Those are important questions. Let’s start with what can bring some peace: a civil divorce does not, by itself, cancel a temple sealing, and another person’s choices do not take away the eternal blessings promised through your own faithfulness. Even when a marriage ends, you can keep the covenants you made with Heavenly Father and continue drawing strength from Jesus Christ. President Dallin H. Oaks has promised faithful people whose marriages end that they will not be denied the blessings of eternal family relationships.

What Jesus Taught About Marriage and Divorce

When the Pharisees questioned Jesus about divorce, they were debating when a man could put away his wife. Jesus took them back to the beginning. He reminded them that God created man and woman and intended husband and wife to become one. Marriage was meant to last.

When they asked why Moses had allowed divorce, Jesus answered that it was permitted “because of the hardness of your hearts,” but added, “from the beginning it was not so” (Matthew 19:3–8).

That helps us understand both the ideal and the reality. God created marriage to be lasting, but He also works with His children in a mortal world where agency is real. Betrayal, abandonment, abuse, addiction, selfishness, and other serious problems can deeply damage a marriage.

President Oaks explained in “Divorce” that divorced people can move forward faithfully. Divorce does not place someone outside the gospel or outside the possibility of eternal family blessings.

What Does a Temple Sealing Actually Promise?

The Family: A Proclamation to the World teaches that Heavenly Father’s plan makes it possible for family relationships to continue beyond death and that temple ordinances make eternal family relationships possible.

A temple sealing is therefore much more than a wedding in a sacred place. A husband and wife make covenants with God and with each other, and the promised blessings depend upon faithfulness to those covenants.

That matters after divorce because you and your former spouse still have individual agency. If another person breaks covenants, you are not responsible for that choice. Your responsibility is to keep your own relationship with Jesus Christ strong and remain faithful to the covenants you have made.

A civil divorce ends the legal marriage, but it does not by itself cancel the temple sealing. A sealing cancellation is a separate matter involving the sealing authority of the Church.

You do not need to figure out every part of that process on your own. If you have questions about your sealing, remarriage, or a future sealing, your bishop can help you understand what applies to your situation.

In this clip, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland answers many of the complicated questions of temple sealings, death, divorce, and remarriage:

Meggan Thought Her Marriage Would Last

Meggan did not enter marriage expecting it to end.

She had known the man who became her husband for twelve years. They loved each other, and getting married felt right. Over time, though, connecting became harder. Her husband struggled with an addiction to prescription medication, and Meggan increasingly felt alone emotionally and spiritually.

She wanted the marriage to work. Then her husband decided to leave.

In the Church’s first-person video My Experience With Divorce, Meggan describes how painful it was to watch the future she had expected disappear. As she began moving forward after the divorce, she also found peace in realizing that God still had a plan for her life:

Meggan’s experience shows something important. The end of her marriage did not mean the end of God’s work in her life. Her relationship with Jesus Christ remained, and so did the possibility of a good and faithful future.

Will I Lose My Eternal Family Blessings?

President Oaks gave one of the clearest promises for someone worried about exactly that.

He spoke specifically to members whose spouses had “betrayed sacred covenants or abandoned or refused to perform marriage responsibilities.” Then he taught:

“Whatever the outcome and no matter how difficult your experiences, you have the promise that you will not be denied the blessings of eternal family relationships if you love the Lord, keep His commandments, and just do the best you can.”

He also said, “We cannot control and we are not responsible for the choices of others, even when they impact us so painfully.” (“Divorce”)

That promise gets to the heart of the question. Heavenly Father knows what happened in your marriage. He knows what you chose, what your former spouse chose, and what was beyond your control. He asks you to remain faithful to Him.

President Oaks has also taught that divorce can delay promised blessings without taking them away. The Lord has promised that “in the eternities no blessing will be denied” His sons and daughters who keep His commandments, remain true to their covenants, and desire what is right.

More recently, Elder Neil L. Andersen taught that every faithful disciple of Jesus Christ who desires eternal marriage will ultimately be sealed to “a righteous companion of his or her choosing,” whether that blessing comes in this life or the next.

Divorce does not remove eternal marriage from your future.

What About My Children?

Parents often worry just as much about what divorce means for their children.

If your children were born in the covenant or sealed to you and your former spouse, divorce does not erase their sealing blessings. Church teaching explains that children remain sealed to their parents even after divorce and even if the parents’ sealing to one another is later canceled.

You do not have to figure out exactly how every family relationship will work in eternity. Heavenly Father knows every parent, child, remarriage, loss, and circumstance involved. He will work these things out with perfect justice, respect for agency, and love.

When Divorce Starts to Feel Like Spiritual Failure

Being divorced in a Church that teaches eternal marriage so strongly can sometimes be difficult.

You may sit through a lesson about temple marriage and immediately think about what ended. You may attend someone else’s sealing and wonder whether you lost your own chance at that future. If your former spouse left the Church or broke serious covenants, you may wonder whether those choices somehow changed your standing with God.

Those concerns are understandable because your marriage mattered. Your temple sealing mattered. You expected it to last.

But sorrow can sometimes turn into a conclusion God has not given you: My marriage failed, so I failed at eternal family.

That is not how Heavenly Father measures your discipleship.

If you made mistakes, Jesus Christ offers repentance, forgiveness, and real growth. If your former spouse made choices you could not control, you do not need to carry those choices as your own. In either situation, you can keep moving toward Christ.

What Research Suggests About Faith After Divorce

Research offers some hope about what moving forward can look like.

In a longitudinal study, researchers followed adults going through divorce and checked on them again a year later. They found that people who used faith in constructive ways during the year after divorce tended to report greater personal growth afterward. That included drawing strength from their relationship with God, finding spiritual meaning, and continuing religious practices.

That does not make divorce good or erase what was lost. It simply shows that a painful experience does not have to determine the rest of your life.

Faith can help you grow in wisdom, deepen your relationship with God, and build healthier relationships as you move forward.

What If My Divorce Involved Abuse, Betrayal, or My Own Mistakes?

Every divorce has its own story.

Some people tried for years to save a marriage before a spouse left. Some experienced adultery, abuse, addiction, or abandonment. The Church teaches that no one should feel required to remain in an abusive relationship.

Others may look back and recognize ways they contributed to problems in the marriage. If that is part of your story, repentance does not take away your eternal hopes. Through Jesus Christ, you can learn, change, and become better prepared for the relationships ahead.

Divorce does not need to become the main way you understand yourself. You are still a son or daughter of Heavenly Parents. You can keep covenants, build healthy relationships, repent where needed, and continue preparing for eternal family life.

A Few Questions Worth Thinking About

• Have I started treating my divorce as though it determines my standing with God?
• Am I carrying responsibility for choices that actually belonged to my former spouse?
• If I made mistakes in the marriage, what would honest repentance and growth look like now?
• How might I see my future differently if I really believed Heavenly Father still intends eternal blessings for me as I remain faithful?

What Can You Do This Week?

Read President Oaks’s “Divorce” slowly. Notice especially what he teaches about personal responsibility and the promise of eternal family blessings.

If you have questions about your sealing or what would be needed before a future sealing, make an appointment with your bishop. Getting a clear answer can remove a worry you do not need to keep carrying.

And if you are able, spend some time in the temple. The temple may remind you of the marriage that ended, but it is also part of your own covenant relationship with God. Your endowment, your worship, and the Savior’s power in your life still matter.

Divorce may have changed your home, finances, parenting, friendships, and plans for the future. It does not have to change your decision to follow Jesus Christ.

Keep the covenants that are yours to keep. Repent of what is yours to change, and leave another person’s choices with the Lord. Heavenly Father has not withdrawn His promise of eternal family blessings from you. As you stay close to Jesus Christ, you can keep building a faithful life now while trusting Him with the eternal future still ahead.