Answer

What Happens to My Children’s Sealing If We Divorce?

Did My Divorce Affect My Children’s Sealing?

If you were sealed to your former spouse and have children, you may be wondering what the divorce means for them. Did it affect their sealing? What happens if you or your former spouse remarries? Could the choices made during the marriage affect your children’s eternal family?

These are important questions. As a parent, you want to protect your children, and you may feel responsible for what they have experienced.

The most important thing to know is that children born in the covenant or sealed to their parents do not lose those blessings because their parents later divorce. Your divorce does not make your children less loved by Heavenly Father or remove them from His purposes for them.

You may not know how every family relationship will be arranged in the next life. But you can trust that Heavenly Father knows your children, understands your circumstances, and will deal with your family fairly and mercifully.

What the Sealing Power Means

In the Kirtland Temple, Elijah appeared to Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdery and restored the keys connected with the sealing power. He spoke of turning “the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the children to the fathers” (Doctrine and Covenants 110:13–16).

This was part of the Restoration of the gospel. Through the sealing power, families can be connected through priesthood ordinances and covenants.

Divorce can change many parts of family life. Children may live in two homes, follow different schedules, and adjust to new relationships. You and your former spouse may also have questions about remarriage and future sealings.

Those changes do not mean that God has forgotten your children or that their covenant blessings have been taken away. Your marriage ended, but your children are still known and loved by God.

What the Family Proclamation Teaches

The Family: A Proclamation to the World teaches that the family is central to God’s plan and that family relationships have eternal significance.

The proclamation describes God’s purposes for marriage and family, but it does not mean that every family will experience those purposes in the same way during mortality. Families experience divorce, death, abuse, infertility, estrangement, and other circumstances they did not choose.

If your family does not look the way you expected, that does not mean that God has rejected you or your children. Your children’s worth and place in God’s plan do not depend on whether your marriage remained intact.

Trusting God With Unanswered Questions

President Henry B. Eyring wrote about eternal family relationships in “The Hope of Eternal Family Love.” He explained that he had learned to live worthy of the celestial kingdom while trusting the Lord with family relationships he did not yet understand.

That counsel can help when you have questions about divorce, remarriage, or future sealings. You may want a complete explanation now. You may want to know exactly how every relationship will fit together in the next life.

Some questions may require personal guidance from your bishop. Other answers may come only with time. In the meantime, you can keep your covenants, care for your children, and trust God with what you cannot yet resolve.

Trusting Him does not mean that your questions are unimportant. It means that you do not have to assume the worst simply because you cannot see the answer yet.

How Divorce Can Affect Children

Trusting God with your children’s eternal future does not mean pretending that divorce has no effect on them. They may miss the life they expected. They may feel confused by changes in their homes and schedules. They may love both parents and still feel caught in the middle.

Children should not have to manage adult conflict. They should not be asked to carry messages, take sides, comfort a parent, or feel guilty for enjoying time with the other parent.

You cannot remove every difficulty your children may experience. You can help them feel more secure by making sure they know that the divorce was not their fault and that they are free to love both parents.

They also need to know that they can talk about their experiences without worrying that they are hurting or betraying someone. Consistent care and calm communication can help them adjust to the changes in their family.

What Research Helps Us See

In a study of 944 divorced families, researchers including BYU family-life professor Spencer James examined how parents worked together after divorce in “Reconsidering the ‘Good Divorce.’”

The researchers found that children whose parents cooperated in parenting generally had fewer behavior problems and closer relationships with their fathers than children in other post-divorce arrangements.

Cooperation did not remove every difficulty associated with divorce, and it did not lead to the same outcome for every family. The study does show that parents continue to influence the family environment after divorce.

You may not be able to control your former spouse’s decisions or change everything that happened during the marriage. You can decide what you say to your children, whether you involve them in conflict, and whether your home is a place where they feel safe and loved.

What If One of Us Remarries?

Remarriage may raise additional questions about sealings and stepfamily relationships. Your bishop can help you understand what applies to your circumstances.

Your children do not need to carry all of the uncertainty while you are seeking answers. You can tell them what you do know: Heavenly Father knows them, loves them, and is aware of what they are experiencing. Their family circumstances do not determine their worth.

You can also help them adjust by explaining changes clearly, keeping routines as consistent as possible, and giving them permission to love both parents. Avoid asking them to make adult decisions or provide emotional support for you.

Questions Worth Considering

• Do my children feel free to love both parents?
• Am I asking them to carry concerns that belong to adults?
• What does each child need from me this week?

Your family has changed, but your children have not been forgotten. Jesus Christ can help you care for them now while you trust Heavenly Father with the parts of your family’s future that you do not yet understand.