Answer

Is Marriage Worth the Risk?

Is Marriage Worth the Risk?

You may have watched a marriage end—perhaps your parents’ marriage, a friend’s marriage, or your own. You may have seen betrayal, constant conflict, financial stress, or years of unhappiness. When those are the examples in front of you, hesitating about marriage can seem wise.

You may wonder: Is marriage really worth the risk? How can I know I will not choose the wrong person? What if I trust someone and that person hurts me?

These are important questions. Marriage does involve risk. A spouse can break promises, betray trust, or refuse to change. Pretending otherwise does not prepare anyone for marriage.

At the same time, marriage is worth considering because God designed it as a covenant relationship. Within that relationship, two imperfect people can learn love, sacrifice, forgiveness, and faithfulness with the help of Jesus Christ.

The goal is not to find a marriage that can never fail. The goal is to make a wise choice and become the kind of person who is willing to love, repent, grow, and keep promises.

Marriage Is Part of God’s Plan

Marriage is more than a social arrangement created to organize property or raise children. The Family: A Proclamation to the World teaches that “marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God” and that the family is central to His plan.

In the Creation account, God created Adam and Eve as male and female and brought them together as husband and wife. Jesus referred to this account when teaching about the sacred nature of marriage. He said, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:4–6).

Jesus was not saying that every marriage will remain intact regardless of abuse, betrayal, or the choices people make. He was teaching that marriage is more than a relationship based only on changing feelings. God intends it to be a faithful union in which husband and wife share love, purpose, and responsibility.

That kind of marriage is not created by finding a perfect spouse. It is built through the choices both people make over time.

What Long Marriages Can Teach Us

In this video, three couples with more than 125 years of combined marriage experience talk about what has helped them remain married.

Their experiences are not a guarantee that every marriage will last. They do show that strong marriages are built through ordinary, repeated choices. Long-term love usually requires patience, forgiveness, communication, work, and a willingness to keep caring about the other person when life is stressful.

A long marriage is not evidence that a couple never struggled. Often, it means they continued to address problems, accept responsibility, forgive each other, and choose to keep working on the relationship.

What a Marriage Covenant Requires

A covenant is a promise made even though you do not know exactly what the future will bring. When you marry, you cannot know every difficulty you will face, how your spouse will change, or what circumstances will affect your family.

The Lord teaches, “I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say” (Doctrine and Covenants 82:10). God’s covenants are serious commitments. He asks His children to act faithfully even when they cannot see the entire future.

Elder D. Todd Christofferson explained in “Why Marriage, Why Family” that marriage and family relationships help prepare God’s children for eternal life. Marriage gives people opportunities to practice patience, humility, sacrifice, and forgiveness in daily life.

This does not mean you should marry without thinking carefully. It means marriage has value beyond comfort and convenience. It can help you develop qualities that are difficult to learn without the responsibilities of a committed relationship.

What Research Helps Us Understand

Nathan Leonhardt, Elisabeth Kirchner, Tommy Phillips, Antonius Skipper, David Dollahite, and Loren Marks interviewed 28 Latter-day Saint families about the beliefs and practices that strengthened their relationships. In “Together Forever: Eternal Perspective and Sacred Practices in American Latter-day Saint Families”, the researchers found that belief in eternal marriage, eternal progression, eternal life, and eternal family was a central theme in the families they studied.

Participants also described prayer, scripture study, Church participation, forgiveness, humility, and patience as practices that supported their marriages and families.

The study does not show that religious couples never struggle or divorce. It does suggest that beliefs about marriage can influence the way couples respond to difficulty. A couple who sees marriage only as a relationship that should make them happy may respond to conflict by asking, “Do I still feel happy?” A couple who sees marriage as a sacred covenant may also ask, “What do we need to repair, change, or learn?”

How Can I Know Whom to Marry?

One question can make dating feel impossible: What if I choose the wrong person?

There is no way to receive a guarantee that a marriage will never involve pain. There are, however, qualities you can look for in a potential spouse.

Look for someone who is honest, keeps commitments, treats people with respect, accepts responsibility, and wants to build a covenant marriage. Pay attention to how the person responds when corrected, disappointed, or inconvenienced. Can he or she apologize, forgive, ask for help, and make changes?

Do not ignore serious warning signs because you hope marriage will change someone. People can grow, but you should make decisions based on the character and choices you see now.

Dating culture can also create unrealistic expectations. Some messages suggest that marriage should always feel easy and romantic. Others present marriage as an outdated institution that limits freedom. Both views leave out the work involved in building a lasting relationship.

You do not need to marry because you are afraid of being alone. You also do not need to reject marriage because certainty is impossible. Wise dating means taking risks seriously without expecting a risk-free life.

When Marriage Does Not Come Easily

Some people want to marry but have not found a spouse. Others are divorced, widowed, infertile, or carrying wounds from a family that did not model trust. Some have tried to be faithful and still experienced rejection or betrayal.

Not being married is not evidence of spiritual failure. Divorce is not automatically evidence that someone lacked faith. God knows the difference between choices people make and circumstances they did not choose. He does not withhold eternal blessings from people because of conditions outside their control.

If you are married, seek help early when problems begin. If you hope to marry, work on becoming wise, healthy, trustworthy, and prepared for a covenant relationship. If your marriage has ended, Jesus Christ can still help you heal and move forward.

Questions Worth Considering

• Am I being careful and wise, or am I waiting for certainty that no relationship can provide?
• What has my family history taught me about marriage, and what might I need to reconsider?
• What kind of spouse am I becoming through the way I treat people, keep promises, handle conflict, and respond to correction?

Marriage gives two people the opportunity to build a life of love, faithfulness, and shared purpose. With Jesus Christ, you can make wise choices, grow through difficulty, and build something good.