Answer

Do I Need to Find My One Soulmate?

Is There One Person I Am Supposed to Marry?

You may believe Heavenly Father can guide you toward marriage and still wonder whether there is one particular person you are supposed to find. What if you miss that person? What if you meet someone wonderful but never receive a dramatic spiritual confirmation that says, This is the one?

Those questions can make dating feel more stressful than it needs to be. The restored gospel teaches that God can guide you in choosing a spouse without requiring you to discover one person who was chosen for you in advance.

Eternal Truths

Choosing whom to marry is an important use of your agency. In 2 Nephi 2:27, Lehi teaches that because of Jesus Christ, we are “free to choose.” Heavenly Father can guide you, warn you, and help you recognize what matters while still allowing the decision to be yours.

Prayer is part of that process, but prayer does not always produce a single unmistakable answer. Sometimes guidance comes as you learn about someone’s character, talk honestly about important subjects, and make a careful decision.

A good marriage is built after two people choose each other. President Spencer W. Kimball taught that “‘Soul mates’ are fiction and an illusion,” while also encouraging serious thought, prayer, and fasting when choosing a spouse (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball).

Whom you marry matters. So does what you and your spouse do after you marry. The Family Proclamation teaches that “husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children.” Marriage requires both people to keep choosing faithfulness, repentance, forgiveness, and love.

A Story About Choosing

In a YouTube conversation called “Does God Choose Your Spouse?”, Sade Turner talks with her husband, Nathaniel, about how they approached marriage and spiritual guidance.

Sade explains that when she asked God whether Nathaniel was “the one,” the answer she received was, “It’s your choice.” Their story does not mean that every person will receive the same answer or that prayer is unimportant. It shows that seeking God’s guidance and making your own decision can exist together.

They also discuss how Nathaniel had to reconsider some of his preferences and become more open to what God was teaching him. Their experience points to a practical question for dating: Am I asking God to identify one person for me, or am I asking Him to help me become wise enough to choose well?

The video is a personal Christian account, not official Church teaching. It can still help illustrate the difference between seeking guidance and waiting for certainty. YouTube

What Can Make This Confusing?

Movies, books, and the way people sometimes tell their love stories can make the right relationship seem obvious from the beginning. They may describe an instant connection, a perfect coincidence, or a feeling that removes every doubt.

Real relationships are usually less clear. You may like someone and still have questions. You may need time to understand how the person handles disappointment, keeps commitments, treats other people, and responds when you disagree.

Uncertainty does not automatically mean that a relationship is wrong. At the same time, faith should not be used to ignore serious concerns. Pay attention to patterns, not only strong feelings.

What Research Shows

A Wheatley Institute study of 615 couples found that highly connected couples were marked by commitment, compassion, kindness, forgiveness, meaningful time together, and deliberate effort.

The study does not prove that every couple can create a strong marriage if they simply try hard enough. It does show that lasting closeness involves the way couples treat each other over time. A good marriage is not identified only by how perfectly a relationship feels at the beginning.

Questions to Think About

• Am I waiting for a level of certainty God has not promised?
• Am I paying attention to character, discipleship, friendship, and attraction?
• Could comparison be making a good relationship harder for me to recognize?