Answer

Are My Dating Standards Too High?

You may have thought carefully about the kind of person you hope to marry and still wonder whether your standards are helping you make a wise choice or making it harder to notice good people. How can you tell the difference between a standard that really matters and a preference that has slowly become a requirement? That is worth thinking through. A helpful place to begin is separating what God has revealed about marriage from the picture of a future spouse you may have built over time.

Eternal Truths

Some standards matter because they protect the kind of marriage God wants you to build. The Family: A Proclamation to the World points to faith, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and commitment to family. Honesty, chastity, spiritual direction, safety, and willingness to keep covenants matter because they will affect your marriage and home for years to come.

The person you marry will still be becoming. In Moroni 10:32, Moroni invites us to “come unto Christ, and be perfected in him.” None of us arrives at marriage as a completed disciple. You are looking for someone with good character who is sincerely willing to keep growing with Christ—and you are bringing that same unfinished discipleship into marriage too.

What Can Make This Confusing?

Modern dating gives you almost endless opportunities to compare. Another profile is only a swipe away, and social media can make it seem as though someone slightly more attractive, successful, funny, spiritual, or compatible must be out there somewhere. Over time, ordinary preferences can start feeling much more important than they actually are.

What Research Shows

Research on “relational maximization” found that people who focused more heavily on finding the best possible romantic option tended to report lower satisfaction, investment, and commitment while noticing more alternatives. That does not mean you should ignore concerns or marry someone you do not want to marry. It suggests that constant comparison can make it harder to appreciate a genuinely good relationship.

Questions to Think About

• Which of my standards come from revealed principles?
• Have appearance, career, height, personality, or lifestyle quietly become requirements?
• Am I making room for someone who is sincerely becoming more like Christ?

What You Can Do

Choose one dating preference this week and ask yourself how much it would really matter in a faithful marriage ten or twenty years from now. Hold firmly to standards involving covenants, safety, and character, while giving yourself permission to be more flexible about things that matter less.

Jesus Christ can help you see another person wisely without expecting perfection. He can also help both of you become far more than either of you are when you first meet.