Essay

Governing Sexual Feeling

You may have heard that masturbation is normal, private, and harmless, so you may wonder why the Church teaches against it. Or the question may be much more personal: What if I already know I want to stop, but I keep going back to it? Why can’t I seem to get control of this? Does struggling with masturbation mean something is wrong with me spiritually?

Those are important questions. Let’s start with something that makes the rest easier to understand: sexual feelings are not sinful. They are part of the body Heavenly Father gave you and part of His plan for marriage and family. God asks you to learn what those feelings are for and how to govern them. Masturbation deliberately turns sexual powers toward self-stimulation outside the marriage relationship God created those powers to bless, which is why it does not fit within the law of chastity.

If this is something you have struggled with, that does not mean you are beyond change or that repeated setbacks have put you outside the reach of the Savior. Jesus Christ can help you understand the pattern, strengthen your ability to choose differently, and gradually develop greater self-mastery. So let’s look more carefully at why this matters spiritually, emotionally, and relationally—and then at what repentance, practical change, and the grace of Christ can actually look like in real life.

Madison’s Story

Madison has spoken openly about what happened when knowing Christian standards was not enough by itself to stop a deeply established habit. In an episode of her Stay True podcast devoted specifically to pornography and masturbation, she describes being exposed to sexual content while she was young. Curiosity eventually developed into a private pattern involving pornography and masturbation, even while she genuinely loved Jesus and wanted to honor Him.

Madison describes something shifting when she finally brought the struggle “into the light.” Confession, accountability, changed habits, and dependence on Jesus Christ became part of how she moved forward. She now speaks of having been free from that addictive pattern for more than a decade. Her story is not a Latter-day Saint story, so the gospel of Jesus Christ also brings in covenants and priesthood guidance, but her experience illustrates something important: secrecy can give a repeated behavior more power, while honesty makes real help possible.

Sexual Feelings Are Sacred and Really Can Be Governed

After Shiblon had served faithfully as a missionary, Alma gave him counsel that speaks directly to the way God wants us to understand strong desires: “bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love” (Alma 38:12). A bridle does not destroy a horse’s strength; it helps direct that strength toward a good purpose. Alma was not teaching his son to be afraid of powerful feelings or ashamed that he had them. He was teaching him that part of becoming a disciple of Jesus Christ is learning, with God’s help, to direct our desires so they deepen our capacity to love rather than simply control us.

That is very close to the way the Church teaches sexuality today. For the Strength of Youth teaches that sexual feelings “are not sinful—they are sacred.” Those feelings are part of God’s gift to you, and the law of chastity helps you learn to use that gift in the way He intended. That is also why the Church counsels against choices that deliberately arouse lustful feelings outside the boundaries God has given. The Family: A Proclamation to the World places our sexual powers in an even larger setting: covenant marriage, the creation of life, and the eternal purposes of the family.

Church teachings have also addressed masturbation directly. Earlier teachings described “sexual self-stimulation (masturbation)” as a practice that can lead to a “slavery to the flesh.” More recently, the January 2026 YA Weekly article “5 Truths to Strengthen You Against Pornography Use” discusses pornography and masturbation habits as contrary to God’s commandments while also emphasizing something important: sexuality itself is not dirty or shameful. Between a husband and wife, it is described as “wonderful and sacred.”

Elder David A. Bednar helps explain why God cares so much about how we use this part of ourselves. In “We Believe in Being Chaste,” he taught that sexual relations are not simply “an appetite to be satisfied” but one of the “ultimate expressions of our divine nature and potential” within marriage. God is not asking you to become ashamed of your body or frightened of sexual desire. He is helping you learn what those desires are for—and, through Jesus Christ, how to direct them toward covenant love, faithfulness, unity, and the creation of family.

Why “It’s Natural and Harmless” Can Sound So Convincing

You can understand why that message can feel persuasive. Sexual desire really is a natural part of mortal life, and many secular discussions of masturbation focus almost entirely on whether it causes an obvious physical health problem. If that is the only question being asked, then calling the behavior normal or harmless can seem to settle the matter.

But the gospel gives you a much larger way to understand your body and your sexuality. God has revealed not only that sexual desire exists, but what those powers are for and how they fit into His plan for your becoming. The deeper questions are, What am I learning to do with desire? How is this shaping my capacity for love, fidelity, self-mastery, and covenant discipleship? What kind of husband or wife am I preparing to become? Sexuality belongs within that larger pattern of marriage, procreation, unity, love, and covenants.

That is why the messages you hear about masturbation matter. If you repeatedly hear that any private sexual behavior is healthy simply because the desire behind it is natural, it can slowly make self-control seem unnecessary and God’s boundaries seem arbitrary. The adversary can exploit that confusion in more than one way. Before the behavior, he can minimize it until obedience feels excessive or outdated; afterward, he can turn around and magnify your failure until you feel ashamed, discouraged, or reluctant to pray, repent, or ask for help.

Neither response reflects the way Jesus Christ works with you. You do not need to excuse a behavior God is asking you to leave behind, and you do not need to despise yourself because the change is difficult. You can be honest about the behavior, repent as often as needed, learn what tends to lead you back to it, and keep developing greater self-mastery through the Savior’s grace. Over time, Christ can help you do more than simply resist an urge; He can help you become more whole, more free, and more able to use the powers God has given you in the way they were meant to bless your life and the lives of others.

If You Feel Stuck, There Is Another Way Forward

Not every struggle with masturbation should automatically be labeled an addiction. But when a behavior becomes compulsive—when you sincerely want to stop yet repeatedly return to it—the Church’s Healing through the Savior: Addiction Recovery Program 12-Step Recovery Guide offers a practical gospel framework. The current guide specifically includes pornography, lust, and inappropriate sexual behaviors among the patterns for which its principles may help.

Several steps are especially useful here. Step 1 is honesty: admit that trying to manage the pattern secretly has not worked. Step 4 is truth: make an honest written inventory. Notice when the behavior happens and what usually comes first—loneliness, stress, boredom, exhaustion, sexualized media, being alone late at night, or something else. Step 5 is confession: become honest with Heavenly Father, appropriate priesthood authority, and another trustworthy person instead of maintaining a hidden life. Step 10 is daily accountability: notice quickly when you are drifting toward an old pattern and make corrections early. Step 11 is personal revelation: ask Heavenly Father what needs to change and seek His power to carry it out.

That pattern shows up in Latter-day Saint experience too. In a Young Adult article, Cassandra Hulse described struggling with pornography and masturbation, eventually working with bishops, a therapist, accountability support, and the Church’s 12-step program. She learned that recovery required more than repeatedly asking God to remove the temptation; she needed to accept help and surrender the idea that she should be able to conquer everything alone.

What Research Helps Us Understand About Changing the Pattern

Research gives us some practical insight into what can help when sexual behaviors start to feel difficult to control. A 2025 review looked at 20 studies involving more than 2,000 people and found that counseling helped many participants reduce problematic pornography use and compulsive sexual behavior. Approaches that helped people recognize triggers, change thought and behavior patterns, and respond differently to urges showed particular promise.

That matters because overcoming a repeated sexual habit usually involves more than simply trying harder in the moment. People can learn to recognize what tends to trigger the behavior, change routines that make temptation stronger, develop healthier ways to respond to stress or loneliness, and reach out for support instead of struggling in isolation. The research is still developing, but it supports something very practical: patterns that have been learned can also be changed.

That matters because changing a compulsive pattern often means learning your triggers, interrupting routines, responding differently to stress, and building accountability. A January 2026 YA Weekly article describes something very similar. Mabel Teerlink noticed that loneliness, stress, and sadness often made her pornography and masturbation habits harder to resist. As she turned to Jesus Christ, she began replacing those habits with more fulfilling activities—time with loved ones, developing her talents, studying the gospel—and found additional strength through her bishop and other supportive people.

A Few Questions Worth Thinking About

• When does masturbation usually happen for me, and what tends to happen immediately beforehand?
• Have I been trying to overcome it secretly because I am afraid of what someone will think?
• What messages have been shaping the way I think about sexual desire and self-control?
• When I slip, do I learn and repent, or does discouragement pull me deeper into the pattern?
• What would greater self-mastery actually look like in my life this week?

What Can You Do This Week?

First, remove some of the secrecy. If this has become a repeated pattern, consider talking with your bishop and one trustworthy person who can support you. If you are an adult and the behavior feels compulsive, read Step 1 of the Addiction Recovery Program guide and look seriously at whether a recovery meeting or professional counselor could help.

Second, make a written trigger plan. Identify the two or three situations in which you are most vulnerable and change them before temptation becomes intense. That might mean moving your phone out of your bedroom, removing sexualized media, using a filter, going to bed earlier, exercising, spending less unstructured time alone, or contacting someone when you recognize the beginning of the pattern.

Third, practice taking the escape God provides. Paul promised that with temptation God will “make a way to escape” (1 Corinthians 10:13). Ask Heavenly Father to help you recognize that escape, and then act. Get up. Leave the room. Put the device down. Go somewhere less private. Pray. Call someone. Do something different before the urge becomes the decision.

You do not need to become ashamed of your sexuality in order to live the law of chastity. You are a son or daughter of heavenly parents learning what it means to use a mortal body, agency, and powerful desires according to God’s purposes. Through Jesus Christ, you can repent when necessary, learn from setbacks, receive help, change established habits, and become increasingly capable of governing your desires. That growth is preparing you for something good: a life of greater spiritual freedom and the ability to bring your whole self into faithful covenant love.