Story

Luke’s Story: What Finally Helped Him Overcome Pornography

Maybe you’ve prayed the same prayer over and over: “Heavenly Father, I don’t want to keep struggling with this.” Maybe you’ve promised yourself that this would be the last time, only to fall again and wonder if you’ll ever change. If that’s how you feel, remember this first: there is nothing that Jesus Christ cannot heal.

Some people consider addictions to be bad habits that they can conquer by willpower alone, but they can become so dependent on a behavior or substance that they can no longer see how to abstain from it. They lose perspective and a sense of other priorities in their lives.

But you can break free from the chains of addiction. No matter how lost or hopeless you may feel, you are a child of a loving Heavenly Father, and He has a purpose for you and your life. You can learn how to recognize the adversary’s influence, exercise your agency, and rely on the power of Jesus Christ to help you change.

Jesus Christ Knows How to Help You

Have you ever wondered if Heavenly Father has a work for you? Are there important things He has prepared you—and specifically you—to accomplish? Because you are a son or daughter of God, He sent Jesus Christ to help you. The Savior has already suffered for your sins and temptations.

This is why Jesus Christ knows exactly what it feels like to be tempted. The scriptures teach that He was “in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin” (Hebrews 4:15). Because He experienced temptation Himself, He understands your struggles perfectly. He doesn’t turn away from you.

Jesus also promises that you are never left to face temptation alone. Paul taught that God will provide “a way to escape” (1 Corinthians 10:13). Sometimes that means leaving a situation. Sometimes it means turning off your phone, changing what you’re watching, or asking someone you trust for help. Whatever the temptation, Jesus Christ will help you as you choose to follow Him.

Luke learned something important about that kind of help. For a long time, he had been trying to overcome pornography largely through his own determination. Eventually, he came to understand that lasting change involved much more than simply trying harder.

Luke’s Story

For many years, I ignored the teachings of the prophets and became involved with pornography. It became like a drug I used to satisfy my appetites and relieve my pain.

Through sheer grit and determination, and with the support of my bishop, I was able to serve a mission. But after I returned home, I slipped back into using pornography.

One day, a young woman I had been dating asked me, “How do you deal with pornography?”

In that moment, I decided to be honest with her. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done. I told her about my past, how I had overcome pornography before my mission, and what had happened since I returned. I finally admitted that I needed help.

She encouraged me to see my bishop and told me that if I did, she would support me.

I met with my bishop, and he helped me understand something I had not fully realized before: sheer grit was not going to be a permanent solution.

I was facing a ruthless and relentless adversary, and I needed the redeeming and strengthening power of Jesus Christ if I was ever going to be completely free.

My bishop encouraged me, but I continued to struggle. I would do well for a while, and then I would fall back into the same pattern.

One evening, while we were meeting, my bishop seemed to receive an impression to ask me a question.

“Luke, what is it about the gospel that you don’t understand? What principle or doctrine are you missing? I want you to go home and find that doctrine. Study the scriptures, pray about it, and come and see me.”

I went home and did what he asked.

For several weeks, I searched the scriptures and prayed, but nothing seemed to change. In fact, I became even more discouraged. My bishop continued to encourage me to keep searching.

Then one Sunday afternoon, I walked into his office smiling.

He later told me that I looked like a different person. Where he had seen pain and discouragement before, he now saw light and hope.

I told him what had happened.

“Bishop, I found the doctrine.”

Wednesday night, I had been praying for help. As I prayed, a stream of thoughts came into my mind:

Your children are preparing to come to earth. You are their father, and you need to be worthy to take their mother to the holy temple and create their eternal family.

It was almost as if I could see my future children watching me, hoping I would win this battle.

And as soon as those feelings came, the thought of using pornography became abhorrent to me.

I still had hard things to overcome. Understanding my identity and purpose did not mean that every temptation suddenly disappeared.

But something had changed.

I began to see that Satan had been trying to convince me that the man who used pornography was the real me. He wanted me to define myself by my worst choices and believe that I was trapped in that identity.

But I began to see through that lie.

I knew who I was.

I knew that I was a son of God. I knew that I had a purpose. I knew that I wanted to become a husband and father and create an eternal family through the covenants of the temple.

And I could finally say, with conviction:

“That is not who I am.”

I turned more completely to the Savior. I became much more aware of the subtle ways Satan tried to lure me back into pornography. I learned to recognize those patterns and to rely more fully on the redeeming and strengthening power of Jesus Christ.

Over time, the Lord healed me, and I escaped completely from the trap I had been in.

I experienced the truth of the promise the Lord gave through the prophet Isaiah:

“Be strong, fear not: behold, your God will come with vengeance, even God with a recompence; he will come and save you.”— Isaiah 35:4

Believe That You Can Change

Luke’s experience helps make Elder Jeffrey R. Holland’s teaching about repentance especially meaningful. The adversary does not only tempt us to sin; he also wants us to believe that once a pattern has become part of our lives, real change is no longer possible.

Elder Holland gives you this promise:

“Believe that you can change, that there can be a different you. To disbelieve that is clearly a satanic device designed to discourage and defeat you. … You can change! You can be anything you want to be in righteousness.If there is one lament I cannot handle—and I hear it from adults as well as students—it is the poor, pitiful, withered cry, “Well, that’s just the way I am.” If you want to talk about discouragement, that phrase is one that discourages me. Though not a swearing man, I am always sorely tempted to try my hand when I hear that. Please spare me your speeches about “That’s just the way I am.” I’ve heard that from too many people who wanted to sin and call it psychology… You can change anything you want to change, and you can do it very fast. That’s another satanic sucker punch—that it takes years and years and eons of eternity to repent. It takes exactly as long to repent as it takes you to say, “I’ll change”—and mean it. … Do not misunderstand. Repentance is not easy or painless or convenient. It is a bitter cup from Hell. But only Satan, who dwells there, would have you think that a necessary and required acknowledgment is more distasteful than permanent residence. Only he would say, “You can’t change. You won’t change. It’s too long and too hard to change. Give up. Give in. Don’t repent. You are just the way you are.” That, my friends, is a lie born of desperation. Don’t fall for it.” (Source)

How Satan Tries to Keep You Stuck

Satan wants you to believe that your temptations, your mistakes, or even your addiction define you—that you’ll never change and that God must be disappointed in you. Those ideas can become especially convincing after you have struggled repeatedly. When you have promised yourself you would stop and then returned to the same behavior, it can begin to feel as though the behavior reveals who you really are.

Luke discovered why that conclusion was so damaging. He had been seeing himself largely through the struggle itself. As his understanding of his identity and eternal purpose deepened, he began to recognize temptation differently. His choices mattered, but those choices did not have the authority to redefine the son of God he was or determine the man he could become through Christ.

Jesus Christ knows exactly what you’re facing, and because of His Atonement, there is always hope. No matter how many times you’ve fallen, you can get back up. Through Him, you can overcome.

Your Ancestors Will Help You

You also do not have to think of this battle as something you face entirely by yourself. Ask for angels to help you. Pray to your Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, for those on the other side to come and help you. Perhaps a loved one or two could be sent to help you with whatever you need.

Elder Holland taught:

“In the gospel of Jesus Christ you have help from both sides of the veil, and you must never forget that. When disappointment and discouragement strike—and they will—you remember and never forget that if our eyes could be opened we would see horses and chariots of fire as far as the eye can see riding at reckless speed to come to our protection. They will always be there, these armies of heaven, in your defense.”

Help From the Addiction Recovery Program

If you’re reading this and wondering what to do next, there is hope for recovery from addiction. Youth and young adults have seen the Savior’s power turn their most devastating challenges into incredible victories. People who have been through the Church’s Addiction Recovery Program once lived with daily depression, anxiety, fear, and debilitating anger but now experience joy and peace. They have seen miracles in their own lives and in the lives of others who were ensnared in addiction. They have come to see themselves as beloved children of God.

The people involved in these meetings are men and women who have suffered the devastating effects of various addictions and have experienced long-term recovery. Directions for finding in-person, video, telephone, or recorded meetings are available on the Addiction Recovery Program website.

Do not let fear keep you from the blessings of attending a recovery meeting. These meetings are places of understanding, hope, and support, where you can discover that you are not alone and that change and recovery are possible by walking with Christ.

A Few Questions Worth Thinking About

• Have I begun to think of a temptation, mistake, or addiction as part of who I fundamentally am?
• What did Luke begin to understand about his identity and future that changed the way he saw his struggle?
• Am I relying mostly on willpower, or am I also allowing Jesus Christ, priesthood leaders, trusted people, and appropriate Church resources to help me?
• What patterns, people, media, or circumstances make temptation easier to enter and harder to leave?

What You Can Start Doing Today

Whether you are single or married, young or old, there are practical ways to guard against temptation.

• Above all, start by separating yourself from people, materials, and circumstances that will harm you. It’s the same with pornography and sexual immorality. Elder Holland taught, “Like Joseph in the presence of Potiphar’s wife, just run—run as far away as you can get from whatever or whoever it is that tempts you. And please, when fleeing the scene of temptation, do not leave a forwarding address.”
• Acknowledge that people bound by the chains of true addictions often need more help than self-help, and that may include you. Seek that help and welcome it. Talk to your bishop. Follow his counsel. Ask for a priesthood blessing. Use the Church’s Addiction Recovery Program. Pray without ceasing. Ask for angels to help you.
• Along with filters on computers and a lock on affections, remember that the only real control in life is self-control. Exercise more control over even the marginal moments that confront you.
• Go to the temple as often as you possibly can. Remember that the temple arms you “with [God’s] power, … [puts His] glory … round about [you], and [gives His] angels … charge over [you].”

Change may require more than determination. Luke discovered that. He needed to understand who he was, what Heavenly Father was preparing him to become, and why Jesus Christ’s redeeming and strengthening power mattered in his battle.

The same Savior can help you. Your struggle does not have to determine your future. You are a child of Heavenly Father with a purpose, agency, and the capacity to repent and grow. As you turn toward Christ, remove the things that pull you away from Him, and accept the help He has provided, you can learn to recognize temptation more clearly and become stronger in resisting it. There is hope for recovery, and there is a meaningful life ahead as you continue walking with Jesus Christ.