Answer

What If I’ve Already Broken the Law of Chastity?

If you have crossed sexual boundaries, teaching about chastity mostly sounds like a list of what you wish you had done differently. You may be wondering whether you can feel clean again, or whether God still wants you anywhere near Him. Those are painful questions, and they are extremely common.

Yes, you can come back, and the way back is open now rather than after some waiting period you have to earn. Repentance is not a punishment for what happened. It is the process by which what happened stops defining what comes next.

Eternal Truths

Christ did not pretend the sin did not matter, and He did not reduce her to it. Religious leaders brought a woman taken in adultery to Jesus in order to trap Him. After her accusers left, He told her that neither did He condemn her, and to go and sin no more (John 8:3-11). Both halves are in that sentence: real mercy, and a real invitation to change.

There is no point of no return. Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf taught that Satan tries to convince people who have sinned that they have passed a point beyond which nothing can be done, and that because of Christ’s Atonement a safe return is always possible (“Point of Safe Return”).

The standard and the way back come from the same gospel. The Family: A Proclamation to the World teaches a clear standard for sexual intimacy. The same gospel teaches repentance and forgiveness, and the Church describes repentance as a change of heart rather than a sentence to be served (Repentance).

What Can Make This Confusing?

The adversary changes tactics after the fact. Before, he makes a commandment seem unimportant. Afterwards, he makes the sin seem so large that there is no way back, and shame keeps you hiding from the only person who can heal it. One thing needs saying plainly: if what happened was coercion or abuse, repentance is not required of you for something another person did.

What Research Shows

David Dollahite, Loren Marks and colleagues studied repentance across religious families and found it working through personal change, seeking forgiveness, repairing relationships and reconnecting with God. The study cannot measure forgiveness from God. It does show repentance moving toward accountability and repair rather than endless self-condemnation.

Questions to Think About

• Am I moving toward Christ, or mostly punishing myself?
• Which part of repentance have I been most afraid to begin?
• Do I actually believe the Savior can make me different, or only forgiven?

What You Can Do

Stop the behaviour that is pulling you away, and pray honestly about what has to change. If confession is needed, make the appointment with your bishop this week rather than waiting until you feel ready, because that feeling arrives after the appointment rather than before it. The essay on chastity and intimacy goes further.

Jesus Christ offers more than a cleaner past. Through His grace you can be forgiven, regain peace, and become a stronger disciple than you were before any of this.