Answer

What If I’ve Already Broken the Law of Chastity?

If you have crossed sexual boundaries, lessons about chastity may feel less like guidance and more like reminders of what you wish you had done differently. You may hear teachings about purity and think, I needed to hear that before. But what does it mean for me now?

You may wonder whether God still wants you near Him, whether you can feel clean again, or whether your past will affect your ability to have a healthy marriage and family.

These are serious questions, so let’s take them one at a time.

You do not have to become perfect before you turn back to God. You do not have to prove that you are sorry enough before Jesus Christ will help you. Repentance begins when you are honest about what happened and turn toward the Savior. It may involve time, difficult conversations, changed habits, and repaired relationships, but you can begin now.

Jesus Christ Sees More Than Your Sin

During the Savior’s ministry, religious leaders brought a woman caught in adultery before Him. They were using her situation to test Jesus rather than trying to help her.

After the accusers left, Jesus spoke to her. He did not say that her behavior did not matter, but He also did not treat her as though her behavior was all that mattered. He said, “Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more” (John 8:3–11).

This helps us understand repentance. Jesus Christ did not excuse what the woman had done, but He also did not leave her defined by it. He offered mercy and invited her to change.

You may need to take responsibility for choices you made. You may need to confess, make changes, or accept consequences. But continuing to punish yourself is not the same as repenting. Repentance helps you face the truth, receive Christ’s forgiveness, and learn to live differently.

The Commandment and the Way Back

The Family: A Proclamation to the World teaches that sexual intimacy is sacred and belongs within marriage between a man and a woman. This teaching is connected to God’s purposes for the body, marriage, the creation of life, and eternal families.

The law of chastity is more than a list of behaviors to avoid. It teaches you what sexual intimacy is for and how it fits within the kind of marriage and family life God wants you to build.

The gospel that teaches chastity also teaches repentance. The Church describes repentance as a change of heart and a return to God.

God gives commandments because He knows what will bless His children. He also gives us Jesus Christ because He knows we will sometimes make wrong choices and need forgiveness and strength to change.

Shame Is Not Repentance

After a sexual sin, shame can make it difficult to think clearly. Before the sin, you may have minimized the commandment or told yourself that one choice would not matter. Afterwards, you may begin to believe that what happened is so serious that God no longer wants you.

Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf addressed this fear in “Point of Safe Return.” He taught that Satan tries to convince people who have sinned that they have gone too far to return. Elder Uchtdorf explained that because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, it is always possible to return to God.

This does not mean repentance will always be quick or easy. You may need to end a relationship, change how you use technology, tell the truth to someone you have deceived, or get help with a pattern that has become difficult to control. Some consequences may continue for a time.

Those consequences do not mean that Christ has rejected you. Repentance may take time, but you can still begin turning toward Him today.

You do not have to wait until you feel spiritually confident. Hope often comes after the first honest prayer, the first conversation with your bishop, or the first decision to remove yourself from a situation that continues to weaken your commitments.

What Repentance Can Look Like

David Dollahite, Loren Marks, and their colleagues studied repentance in religious families. They found that repentance often included personal change, seeking forgiveness, repairing relationships, and reconnecting with God (research on repentance).

Their research helps show the difference between repentance and simply feeling terrible about yourself. Repentance leads to honesty, responsibility, changed behavior, repaired trust where possible, and a stronger relationship with God.

For you, repentance may include meeting with your bishop. It may include professional help, especially if pornography, compulsive behavior, trauma, or an unhealthy relationship is involved. You may need to ask someone you trust to support you as you change your habits.

You do not have to figure out every step by yourself.

If Someone Else Hurt You

If what happened involved abuse, assault, coercion, manipulation, or pressure, you do not need to repent for another person’s actions.

You may need help finding safety and receiving emotional, medical, professional, or spiritual support. But you are not guilty because someone else violated you. Jesus Christ knows the difference between a choice you made and something that was done to you. You do not need to carry blame that belongs to someone else.

Questions Worth Considering

• Am I turning toward Jesus Christ, or am I mainly punishing myself?
• What part of repentance have I been avoiding?
• Do I believe the Savior can help me change, or do I think He can only forgive me?
• Do you need priesthood guidance by contacting your bishop? You may not feel ready, but you can go because you need help—not because you have already solved everything.
• Is there something you ma y need to remove a source of temptation, end a relationship that repeatedly pulls you away from your covenants, change a technology habit?