Answer

Is Chastity Mostly About Saying No?

You may have heard the law of chastity taught mostly as a list of things not to do. It can start to sound as though waiting for marriage is outdated, or that going as far to the edge as you can is okay if it’s not crossing the line. If that is how chastity is to you, let’s take a look at what God wants you to know for your life right now.

When Alma counseled his son Shiblon, he told him to “bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love” (Alma 38:12). A bridle does not remove strength; it directs it. Alma connected governing passion with becoming more capable of love. Chastity places desire under the direction of covenant love.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World connects sexual intimacy with marriage and the creation of children. Elder David A. Bednar taught that marital intimacy is one of the “ultimate expressions of our divine nature and potential” and strengthens bonds between husband and wife (“We Believe in Being Chaste”). Waiting is preparation for something good, not embarrassment about sexuality.

A culture that treats sexual experience as part of becoming a mature adult can make restraint feel like deprivation. You may wonder whether you are missing an important part of life. Satan can use that fear to hide what chastity can develop in you: fidelity, patience, respect, and the ability to keep desire inside chosen commitments. If your past includes sexual choices you regret, repentance means that preparation can begin again now.

Research by Dean Busby, Jason Carroll, and Brian Willoughby studied 2,035 married individuals. Greater sexual restraint earlier in the relationship was associated with better communication, relationship satisfaction, perceived stability, and sexual quality, even after several other factors were considered (study). Research helps show why waiting to have sex before marriage matter more to your future marriage than you realize.

Ask yourself:

• Am I measuring chastity only by what I cannot do?
• What ways might I be justifying my getting too close to the line, and how can I reset my boundaries?
• Is the way I date helping me become more faithful and having more self-restraint?

This week: Study Alma 38:12. Choose one way to deepen emotional or spiritual connection in dating. Then identify one desire or habit you want Christ’s help learning to govern more wisely.

Jesus Christ can teach you to direct desire rather than be ruled by it. That discipleship prepares you to love with greater steadiness and covenant faithfulness.