Answer

What Does Jesus Christ Teach About Abuse in Families?

If you are being hurt by someone in your family, or you were, you may have been told that families are sacred and wondered whether that means you have to stay. That question deserves a straight answer, and the answer is not complicated.

Jesus condemned harm to the vulnerable without qualification, and nothing in the sanctity of the family obliges you to stay within reach of someone who is hurting you. Safety comes first. If you or someone else is in danger, tell a bishop and, where needed, the authorities, before working out any of the theology.

Eternal Truths

Jesus reserved His hardest words for those who harm the vulnerable. He said that whoever offends one of the little ones who believe in Him would be better off with a millstone about his neck, drowned in the depth of the sea (Matthew 18:6). That is not measured language, and He chose it deliberately.

The Proclamation warns abusers rather than counselling victims to endure. The Family: A Proclamation to the World says that those who abuse spouse or offspring will one day stand accountable before God. The sacredness of the family is the reason abuse is so serious. It is not a reason to remain inside it. The Church’s own instruction is that abuse cannot be tolerated in any form (Abuse).

Forgiveness and trust are two different decisions. Forgiveness releases you from carrying the offence. Trust is a separate judgement about whether someone is safe, rebuilt on evidence over time or not at all. You can forgive completely and keep your distance permanently, and conflating the two has done enormous damage.

What Can Make This Confusing?

Forgiveness gets demanded early and on a schedule, usually by people who are uncomfortable rather than by people who were harmed. Forgiveness produced under that pressure is generally suppression wearing forgiveness as a name, and suppression resurfaces. Taking years is normal. It is not a spiritual failure, and the timetable is not somebody else’s to set.

Questions to Think About

• Am I confusing forgiving someone with being available to them?
• Who actually knows what happened, and is that enough people?
• What would safety look like for me, concretely, this month?

What You Can Do

Tell one person this week who can act, not only listen: a bishop, a trusted adult, or where there is danger, the authorities. Then ask about a licensed therapist. Harm done early shapes how a person reads closeness and conflict for a long time afterwards, and that is a description of how people work rather than a verdict on your faith. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland counselled those who are struggling to seek the advice of reputable people with certified training, professional skills and good values (“Like a Broken Vessel”). The essay behind this answer goes further.

Jesus Christ is on your side in this without qualification, and the healing He offers is real even though it is slower than anyone wants.