Answer

Is Fatherhood Actually Worth Wanting?

Count the fathers you have seen on a screen this year who were competent, present and respected. The list is usually short. Watch enough of the other kind and it quietly lowers what you expect from men, and then what you expect from yourself.

Yes, it is worth wanting, and more than most things you are being offered instead. Fatherhood is one of the two roles God names when He describes His own pattern for a family, and men who take it seriously almost always describe it as the most meaningful work they have done.

Eternal Truths

God gave fatherhood a job description, and it is not the one on television. The Family: A Proclamation to the World says fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness, and to provide and protect. Presiding there means responsibility carried, not authority enjoyed.

“Father” is the name God goes by. Paul wrote that the Spirit bears witness that we are the children of God, and if children, then heirs (Romans 8:16-17). Whatever that word has meant in your life, He is what it is supposed to mean, and the role you are being asked to grow into is the one He chose for Himself.

The only authority that works in a family is the kind that persuades. The Lord taught that no power or influence can properly be maintained except by persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness and love unfeigned (Doctrine and Covenants 121:41-42). Elder M. Russell Ballard taught that there is no other relationship quite like the one between a boy and his dad, and that it shapes who the son becomes and who the father becomes (“Fathers and Sons: A Remarkable Relationship”).

What Can Make This Confusing?

Two things push against wanting this. The first is a steady picture of fathers as clueless or optional, which is easy to absorb without noticing. The second is more personal: if your own dad was not the father you needed, wanting the role can feel like volunteering for something you have no evidence you can do.

Questions to Think About

• What kind of husband and father am I becoming this year, in the habits I already have?
• Which of my father’s patterns do I want, and which do I intend not to repeat?
• Who is a man I could actually watch and learn from?

What You Can Do

Pick one habit a good father needs and work it now, before there is a child watching. Keeping your word when it is inconvenient. Controlling your temper when you are tired. Being honest about money. Then find one man who does this well and get close enough to see how. The essay behind this answer goes further into what fatherhood is for.

Jesus Christ can make available to you what was never given to you, and He can teach a man to father in a way his own father never showed him.