Answer

How Do We Know How Many Children to Have?

How Do We Know When to Have Children—or How Many?

Maybe you believe Heavenly Father wants husbands and wives to have children but still wonder what that means for your own family. Is there a right number? How much should age and timing matter? What if our circumstances are complicated?

Those are sincere questions. Let’s look at what God has actually revealed. The commandment to have children is clear, but Heavenly Father expects each husband and wife to seek revelation about how to live that commandment in their own marriage.

James taught Saints who lacked wisdom to “ask of God” in faith (James 1:5–6). That principle matters here because decisions about children involve things other people often cannot see—health, fertility, pregnancy, finances, age, and the impressions a couple receives from the Lord.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World teaches that God’s commandment to multiply and replenish the earth “remains in force.” Elder Neil L. Andersen also taught that “when to have a child and how many children to have are private decisions to be made between a husband and wife and the Lord.” He then added, “We should not judge one another on this matter.” (Read “Children.”)

One cultural assumption worth examining is that there will always be more time later. Education, careers, finances, and other good goals can make postponing children feel like the safest choice. But fertility does change with age, and some couples later discover that the family they hoped for is harder to have than they expected.

Demographer Lyman Stone surveyed 2,700 Canadian women and found that nearly half of those approaching the end of their reproductive years wish they would have started earlier and had more children. He argues that later marriage and long years spent establishing education and careers can leave fewer years for having the children couples hoped for. (Read the research.)

That does not mean every couple should follow the same timetable. Infertility, miscarriage, health concerns, and other circumstances are real, and Heavenly Father understands them completely.

Questions to Think About

• Are we assuming we will always have more time later?
• What kind of family do we hope to have over the long term?
• Are fear, convenience, or comparison influencing a decision that should involve the Lord?

What You Can Do This Week

Talk honestly together about both the timing and number of children you hope for. Learn accurate information about fertility and age. Then take your hopes, concerns, and circumstances to Heavenly Father together.

Jesus Christ can help you make these sacred decisions with faith rather than fear and give you peace as you follow the direction the Lord gives your family.