Essay

Unexpected Pregnancy, Pressure, and the Options Nobody Mentions

If you are single and facing an unexpected pregnancy, you may be hearing many different voices right now: You’re too young to have a baby. You’ll have to quit school. Your parents are going to be devastated. Your boyfriend isn’t ready. This will change your body and your whole future. Just have an abortion and move on. Or perhaps you are not hearing those exact words, but you can still feel the pressure. You may be wondering, What if I really don’t want an abortion, but I also have no idea how I could possibly have this baby? What if I’m scared to be a mother? Could adoption actually be a good choice? And where is God in all of this?

These are important questions, and you do not have to sort through all of them at once. Let’s walk through this carefully, because fear and pressure can make things sound impossible. There is more help, support, and hope around you than you can see right now. Heavenly Father sees both you and the child you are carrying, and He can help you see hopeful new possibilities.

Start With What God Teaches About the Life You Are Carrying

The gospel of Jesus Christ begins in a different place than fear. The Family: A Proclamation to the World teaches that “the means by which mortal life is created” are divinely appointed and affirms “the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.” Pregnancy can arrive in circumstances you never planned, including circumstances that require repentance, difficult decisions, or major changes in your life. The life developing within you still has sacred worth before God.

You can see this reverence for unborn life in the story of Jesus Christ’s birth. Mary visited Elisabeth while both women were pregnant. When Mary, still early in her first trimester with Jesus, came near, the unborn John leapt in Elisabeth’s womb. Elisabeth, filled with the Holy Ghost, then referred to the unborn Jesus as “my Lord.” This shows that both babies were already known and had a place in God’s unfolding work long before either one was born.

If you are pregnant outside of marriage, there may be things to work through spiritually. Repentance can draw you closer to Jesus Christ. Your pregnancy itself is not something shameful that needs to disappear before you can come back to Him.

You May Be Surprised by How Many People Will Help You

Elder Andersen told about a young woman who became pregnant while unmarried. Her boyfriend wanted her to “get rid of the baby,” but she declined. She was frightened about what would happen next, yet when she told her family, her father embraced her; her parents supported her; her bishop helped her; and members of her ward gathered around her. She later described the amount of love she received from her ward family as overwhelming.

That story is worth noticing because fear often makes us predict other people’s reactions before they have even had the opportunity to love us.

What If You Aren’t Ready to Have a Baby?

Adoption deserves a real place in the conversation. Emma learned she was pregnant and was considering abortion, but one thought changed everything:

Adoption allows you to ask a different question than Can I raise a baby right now? You can ask, If I am not prepared to parent, what kind of family would I hope my child could have? You may be able to choose and meet prospective parents, learn about their marriage and family, talk about faith and values, and, depending on the adoption arrangement, remain part of your child’s life through an open adoption.

For a couple who has hoped and prayed for children, your decision can also become part of making something beautiful out of a difficult situation and be the answer to somenone’s prayers.

Watch What Fear Begins Telling You

Once you understand how God sees life, it becomes easier to notice how the adversary can work on a frightened mind. He can take real concerns and make them feel final. You’ll never graduate. Nobody will marry you. Your parents will never get over this. Your body will change. Everyone at church will know. You cannot possibly do this.

Those worries may involve real problems that deserve real answers. School schedules may have to change. You may need financial help. A relationship may end. Your parents may need time to process what has happened. But none of those things allows you to see your entire future.

The adversary especially benefits from isolation. If he can keep you frightened, embarrassed, and talking only with someone who wants you to abort, you may never discover who would have helped you, who could have helped you stay in school, or what adoption could actually look like.

That is why bringing another trustworthy person into the situation matters so much. Someone wise and caring can help you see possibilities that may be hard to recognize when you are frightened or under pressure. Rather than pushing you toward abortion, they can help you slow down, think clearly, and walk through hopeful options such as parenting, adoption, practical support, and the help available through family, Church leaders, and other trusted resources.

The Church is also clear about the responsibility of the people around a pregnant woman. The clearest statement about this warns, “Members must not submit to, perform, arrange for, pay for, consent to, or encourage an abortion.” This places responsibility not only on the person obtaining an abortion, but also on anyone who encourages, arranges, pays for, or consents to it. This means that a boyfriend, parent, or other Church member who pressures a woman toward an abortion is among those whose conduct Church leaders consider when determining whether a disciplinary council may be needed.

What Research Shows About Pressure, Grief, and Adoption

Abortion is sometimes presented to a frightened young woman as the emotionally easy option: end the pregnancy quickly and the crisis will be behind you. But there is especially good reason to take this seriously.

A 30-year longitudinal study published in the British Journal of Psychiatry determined that women who undergo abortions have a significantly higher risk of experiencing psychological impact, often known as post-abortion syndrome (PAS), mirrors symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Women suffering from PAS may experience flashbacks, emotional numbness, and difficulty coping for many years to come. In this clip, Veronica courageously shares her caution and story about having an abortion, but also finding Christ in the aftermath:

At its heart, this issue calls us to a compassionate understanding of those hurt by abortion. Compassionate communities, faith-based groups, and supportive resources can help break this silence by creating spaces where women can feel understood and cared for.

Research shows that adoption can become part of a real process of healing. Researchers Lisa Krahn and Richard Sullivan studied birth parents in open adoptions and found that birth mothers described finding “meaning, comfort, and peace” in knowing their child was doing well and in remaining connected to the child and adoptive family. Other long-term research has similarly found that a freely chosen and well-supported open adoption can also bring peace as birth mothers watch the child they love grow up safe and loved.

Two Questions Worth Thinking About

If everyone else became quiet for a moment, what would you want for the child you are carrying?

If Heavenly Father could show you six months or five years from now, what possibilities might exist that you simply cannot see today?

What Can You Do This Week?

• Tell one safe person what is happening. A parent, sibling, trusted friend, bishop, Relief Society president, or another person who cares about you needs to know, especially if someone is pressuring you to have an abortion.
• Talk honestly with Heavenly Father. Tell Him what you are frightened of. Ask what He wants you to do for this child and who He has placed around you to help.
• Meet with your bishop for spiritual help. Let him help you come toward Jesus Christ rather than carrying shame by yourself.
• Contact Family Services. The Church says Family Services can provide free consultation for single expectant parents and information about parenting, marriage, and adoption.
• Learn about adoption. Ask specifically how open adoption works, how adoptive parents are chosen, what contact could look like, and what counseling and post-placement support are available. Learning about adoption can bring a hopeful path forward.
• Solve the practical problems one at a time. School, housing, work, transportation, medical appointments, and money can feel like one enormous wall when you think about them all at once. Let other people help you work through them individually.

You may still have some very difficult days ahead. Protecting your child’s life will be courageous, whether you eventually parent or prayerfully choose adoption. It may also introduce you to a kind of support, love, and strength you could not see when the pregnancy test first turned positive.

Give the people who love you a chance to help. Give yourself enough time to learn what your real options are. Most of all, give Heavenly Father room to guide you before fear or someone else’s pressure makes the decision for you.

Jesus Christ knows what brought you to this point and what your future can still become. Through Him there is repentance where repentance is needed, strength for circumstances you did not expect, and help for decisions that feel much too large to carry alone.

References

The Family: A Proclamation to the World; Luke 1; Neil L. Andersen, “Cherishing Life,” April 2025 general conference; Church Counseling Resources, “Single Expectant Parents”; Grotevant and colleagues, “Contact Between Adoptive and Birth Families”; BraveLove: Emmah’s Story.