Answer

Can I Build a Full Single Life and Still Make Room for Marriage?

You may want to use your single years well—to work, learn, travel, serve, build friendships, and live life while you’re hoping for marriage. At the same time, you may wonder whether becoming very independent can make marriage harder later. That is worth thinking about. The question is not whether you should build a full life. It is whether the life you are building is also leading you toward Christ, temple covenants, and a family. Let’s take a look at a few things about what this means to God and your purpose.

Eternal Truths

Marriage asks two people to build a life together. The Family: A Proclamation to the World teaches that husband and wife are “equal partners.” That requires two capable adults who are also willing to counsel together, change plans, sacrifice, and take each other’s needs seriously.

Following Jesus Christ teaches you to think about other people. Paul told the Saints at Philippi, “Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others” (Philippians 2:4). He was teaching them to become more like Christ in the way they related to one another. That same kind of unselfishness matters deeply in marriage.

A single life focused on covenants can help prepare you for marriage. Education, work, friendships, Church service, and spiritual growth are all important parts of life. But the most important thing surrounding all of this is the purpose of your life within an eternal marriage and family if the opportunity comes.

What Can Make This Confusing?

Being independent is often treated as one of the main signs of successful adulthood. There is a lot that is good about learning to take responsibility for yourself. The problem comes when keeping complete control over your preferences becomes more important than learning how to build a shared life.

What Research Shows

In a national study of 1,184 unmarried adults in relationships, Scott Stanley, Galena Rhoades, and Howard Markman found that “dedication”—wanting to maintain and invest in a relationship—was associated with better relationship adjustment and greater stability over the following months. The researchers also distinguished this kind of chosen commitment from simply feeling stuck in a relationship (study).

Questions to Think About

• Have any of my life preferences become more important than they need to be?
• Am I learning how to make decisions with other people?
• Is the life I am building helping me become more generous?

What You Can Do

Think of one area where you strongly prefer to have things your way—your schedule, money, travel, plans, or home. Practice being flexible with someone you trust this week.

Jesus Christ can help you become both capable and generous, qualities that will bless you now and in a future marriage.